Friday, June 28, 2013

Anglo Bank Hoist

If the Anglo Irish bankers were as free with their money as they were with their mouth, we'd be millionaires.

Bank Hoist 
It’s a bit of a farce
When out from their arse
Bankers dribble a figure
That keeps getting bigger
As more noughts are added
And balance sheets padded
Organised to a T
How to fool you and me.

It’s a bit of a farce
When there’s no time to parse
The needs of a nation
Against lax regulation.
To hear bankers chuckle
And use Cupla Focal.
‘Cause it’s all just a game.
Ah, sure, no one’s to blame.

It’s a bit of a farce
When the moolah is sparse
That Anglo wants skin
On the Government’s chin.
And isn’t it callous
To sing Uber Alles
When Germany’s coffers
Will bail out those scoffers?

It’s a bit of a farce
When we’re kicked in the arse
By bankers who’s onus
Is keeping their bonus.
But those scoffing phonies
And political cronies
Have caused consternation
AND BROKEN THE DREAMS OF A NATION.
Laura Elliot©





Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Widgets Webs And All Those Words

Recently I attended a number of  workshops in the hope that I could find the magic bullet that would make social media understandable, easy and less of a head wrecker. As I listened to the various speakers I realised how much our words have been redefined since the arrival of the World Wide Web into our lives. Instead of learning to appreciate the power of the Tweet and the  impact of the Blog I started doodling and ended up with this little poem. I hope you enjoy it.

Widgets Webs And All Those Words 
A web was once the prime address when spiders set up house
With silken strands to lure an unwary fly or louse.
But spiders and tarantulas now seldom come to mind
Because we have the World Wide Web – and words are redefined.

A tweet was always warbled, the prerogative of birds.
Now it is a pithy note that’s easy on the words.
And  Widgets used to float inside an alcoholic can
To help a glass of Guinness rise up like a flan.

A Virus is no longer caused by sniffles and by snot
Nor is it cured by Lemsip – or many toddies hot.
And when the doctor tell us to take a week in bed
We don’t expect the Tablet to cure our aching head.

A bite was once a nibble – or a sometimes painful nip
From a dog with rabies – and it was also hip
To wear a scarf from Hermès knotted at the neck
To show that last night we’d enjoyed a bit more than a peck.

But now we talk in Gigabytes -  and when we have a Nibble
Four Bits is equivalent – and does not make us dribble.
And if we want a sandwich we must not ask for Spam.
For it’s a nasty filler, dispatched without a qualm.

A Yahoo, to be honest, was something of a dope.
And a Curser was expected to wash his mouth with soap.
A Blog’s first name was always Joe – and when it came to Hacks
We do not think of journalists– or lumberjacks with axe.

A Mouse left droppings in the pan and caused the girls to shriek.
Now it runs around the screen and doesn’t squeak an ‘Ekk!’
As for us shopaholics, why should we Browse the mall
When we can rest our bunions and do an Online trawl?

Our Domain was a terrace, a semi or detached
But now we cannot enter  if our passwords haven’t matched.
Surfers do not need a tan, a surfboard or a wave
But we are in hot water if we forget to Save.

A Trojan was the wooden horse that did it for the Troys.
Servers were once recognised as altar girls and boys.
A match was used to Kindle the most reluctant flame.
And Amazons were women of extraordinary fame.

I could go on and talk of Clouds – but I’d be wasting time
Which could be spent on Facebook where I don’t have to rhyme.
So, if you’ve enjoyed this ditty please share it with a friend.
It really is quite easy – you Like and then press Send.
Laura Elliot ©